


I Hear You're in Need of a Nanny

by emptymasks



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Art, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family, Family Dynamics, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Family Issues, Fanart, First Meetings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Genderfluid, Genderfluid Character, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Hurt/Comfort, Includes ART!, Kid Fic, M/M, Original Character(s), Other, POV Alternating, POV Third Person, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, aziraphale's daughter is trans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-12 05:43:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20998907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emptymasks/pseuds/emptymasks
Summary: Aziraphale was trying his best to raise his son on his own, but at a certain point it was difficult to be running the bookshop while also keeping his eyes on Oscar all day. Crowley liked working with children, and children liked him, they’ve just always been drawn to him. A lot of people prefer hiring a female nanny to a male one, and as much as he thinks it’s a little ridiculous, it works out fine for him. He was happy to identify and present as female and tap into his maternal instincts. He’d been wanting to take a job closer to his apartment, but there’s not that many people wanting to hire a nanny in Soho; then he comes across a job advertisement in the local newspaper posted by a Mr. A. Z. Princer. When he meets Oscar, he finds a little girl tired of being told by the world that she's a boy.Single Parent! Aziraphale & Nanny! Crowley, Human AUArt is by @_vaxxu068 on Twitter and Instagram.





	I Hear You're in Need of a Nanny

"I'm done."

A hand slammed down onto the counter and Aziraphale jumped. Martha, the latest nanny he had hired, stood glaring at him. She was young, in her twenties. She'd taken this job to help her pay for her student accommodation. Her CV had been... adequate, and she seemed to really like Oscar.

"Has something happened?" He asked.

"This just isn't what I signed up for, mate. You're kid’s sweet, but they're kind of a lot. And you with your... aesthetic or lifestyle, which ever it is, I don't think we're going to get along."

"Well," Aziraphale spoke carefully, restraint in his voice. "I'm sorry that you seem to find my son too much to handle. I'll send your next paycheck to you in the post, then."

"Works for me," She had the gall to shrug like she wasn't horribly inconveniencing him.

She started to walk to the entrance of the bookshop and Aziraphale noticed she already had all her things with her, ready to just walk out, not a doubt in her mind that he'd convince her to stay.

"You just want to be careful with what idea's you're putting in his head at all, Mr. Princer," She called out.

"Excuse me?"

"When he goes on about playing as a girl. You need to stamp out that sort of stuff now."

Aziraphale sighed. It was true, when playing games Oscar wanted to play as a princess or a witch or some other female role. And sometimes he had trouble letting go of the role and coming back to himself, but all it was him playing around, him being a child.

"Children do like to play." He walked around her and held the door open.

"Yeah, well. Don't let him grow into any funny ideas."

Her voice was cut off as he pushed the door shut behind her.

How dare she? Trying to tell him how to raise his own son. He hated that he had to hire nannies and baby sitters... and this was the third one to quit so far this year and it was only April. He was thankful that at least she'd chosen to do this right at the end of the day, so the few customers scurrying about hadn't seen.

He flipped the sign on the door to closed, pulled down the blinds and locked the door.

Climbing the stairs up to the flat above the shop was always a signal to Oscar that he was done with work for the day.

"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" Oscar came barrelling out of his room and Aziraphale scooped him up into his arms.

"Hello, my dear boy. Were you playing well with Martha today?"

"Mmm, Marfa let me watch Twansformers! One wiv them as maminals...masimals?" Oscar pouted, unless to quite remember the word. Aziraphale had no idea what word he meant. Something to do with animals he supposed.

"Daddy... Did Marfa go?" Oscar peaked up at him and it broke his heart.

"Martha's school work has gotten on top of her, I'm afraid. Don't worry, we'll have you a new friend to play with in no time at all."

Aziraphale carried Oscar back into his room, sitting down on his bed and settling Oscar in his lap.

"How about you have a little nap while I go and make tea?" He said, stroking Oscar's hair.

Oscar nodding and shuffled off his lap. It wasn't like him to be so quiet, he usually loved nap time.

"I'll hire a new nanny as soon as I can, I promise... I'll miss Martha too." He cringed as he lied. He would not miss her at all.

"M'not...I won't miss her." Oscar whispered, as if he thought Aziraphale was going to be angry at him.

"Oh my dear boy, that is more than fine... Is there any particular reason for that?"

"She wiked me playing with Twansformers...but," He sniffed. "She said am not allowed to watch Disney or musicals... She said they for girls and I should grow up..."

"What nonsense. I like musicals, don't I? Does that make me a girl?"

"No," Oscar shook his head. "But... what if... is it okay for girls to like Disney and Twansformers?"

"Of course, there's no law that says certain shows and films are only for one gender. If you ever find a girl who likes both Disney and Transformers it wouldn't be bad at all, you'd probably have a nice friend there."

Oscar shifted on the bed. He still looked upset and Aziraphale didn't know what to say. He'd said the right thing hadn't he? Told him he could like what he wanted? What else did Oscar want?

"I'm going to go and get tea started... do you want to talk about anything else?"

Oscar shook his head and Aziraphale sighed. He ruffled Oscar's hair and left for the kitchen.

Aziraphale wasn't stupid, he knew there were things Oscar wanted to talk to him about, he just didn't know how to get him to open up. It was as though Oscar didn't trust him, or was afraid of what he would think. Aziraphale would like to think that he's always been open with Oscar. It wasn't easy, raising Oscar on his own. His mother... well she'd never wanted to help from the start. Trying to run the bookshop full time and earn enough money to look after both himself proved more and more taxing. He'd underestimated how expensive a child could be. He himself had never been up-to-date on technology, but Oscar deserved better than the old box television and freeview that he had. The compromise he'd made was a new television screen and a DVD player, and soon Oscar had a whole shelving unit stacked full of cartoons and films and television shows.

He went to work getting his and Oscar's tea ready. It was a little later than usual today, but Aziraphale didn't keep things to strict times. He closed the shop sometime around five or six in the evening... perhaps sometimes seven, and then tea was just right after he'd finished closing up.

He sighed. There was no way he could do this without a nanny or babysitter. He couldn't keep Oscar downstairs all day in case he damaged the books and disturbed business, and he couldn't keep upstairs all day... Well, he supposed he could if he would hire someone else to run the bookshop but... He liked how he ran it. Anyone else would do something wrong, or mess up the books, and, if he's being honest, he'd be a little worried about having to take money out of his profits to pay someone else a salary.

In his head he started planning out an advertisement to put in the paper. Perhaps that would attract someone a bit more mature, rather than the students he kept getting from the adverts he'd tried listing online.

Services:

Nanny. Looking for a nanny with experience in looking after children to look after a four year old boy, preferably female but isn't a necessity. Would need to be available in the daytime, every day of the week apart from Sundays. Please contact Mr. Princer at 020 513816, or visit Princer and Co. Antiquarian and Unusual Books, 25 Old Compton St.

Was 'preferably female' a bit too old fashioned? He didn't want to come across as sexist, just what with the boy having no mother, Aziraphale thought it would be good for him to have a connection with a woman. Perhaps she's even be able to help with the gender games he keeps playing.

\-----

It was a Sunday and so the bookshop was closed. This had been the first week since the advert had been placed in the paper. Aziraphale was sat on a circular rug on the floor, a book in his lap and Oscar laying on his stomach next to him. Oscar was currently making a peace treaty between two stuffed rabbits. They almost always did this on Sundays, Aziraphale would sit down with a book and read aloud to Oscar. Sometimes Oscar played and sometimes he just sat and listened, but whether he appeared engaged or not didn't matter to Aziraphale, speaking and reading to children is good for them, it was up to Oscar to listen... Though perhaps the quizzes he would give Oscar with sweets as prizes made him at least always pay a little attention.

Currently, he was reading Moominland in Midwinter, he'd read the first of the books to Oscar a while ago and they had absolutely captured Oscar's heart; During which Oscar has unsurprising fallen in love with The Squirrel with the Marvellous Tail, and rather surprisingly had gotten attached to The Groke.

"She no mean to make everyfing cold and fwozen," He'd cried. "She dint choose be dat way."

"You are absolutely right, my boy," He smiled, pride swelling in his chest.

"Now where were we-"

Three sharp knocks were spat out by the front door.

Who could that be on a Sunday?

"We're closed!" Aziraphale called out, and turned back to the book. Oscar had perked up and was getting up to walk over to the door.

The three knocks rang out again.

Aziraphale sighed and scooped Oscar up into his arms, who cried out in part from the noise and in part from the sudden elevation. He marched over to the door as Oscar grumbled that he had wanted to open it.

"I said we're closed..." Aziraphale's lecturing tone petered off as he drank in the woman at the other side of the door.

"I hear you're in need of a nanny?"

Her voice was soft yet stern. Aziraphale stared in shock and tried to discreetly give her a once over. Her bright red hair stuck out against the all black outfit she had on: black blouse, black coat, black skirt, black shoes and stockings (he should not be wondering if they're stockings), and a pair of black sunglasses perched on her face.

"The advert in the paper said to come to this address," She didn't wait for Aziraphale to answer. "I have my CV with me. I think you'll find I'm more than experienced."

She held out the papers in front of her and Aziraphale found himself just staring.

"It's a Sunday," Was what his brain decided on saying.

"Well, yes. I'm aware the job said every day other than Sunday, but I supposed if I was going to come around in person, it would be preferable to not interrupt your workday, or arrive in the evening after you've just finished work."

"Right..." Aziraphale tore his eyes from her and started to read the resume she'd given him, keeping Oscar held up in the crook of his arm.

"I take it this is the sweet boy mentioned in the advert?"

"Oh, yes, excuse me, I don't seem to know where I put my manners this morning. This is Oscar, say hello won't you dear boy."

"Hello," Oscar muttered while biting his lip and the woman smiled back.

"Mx. A. J. Crowley, what does the ‘A’ stand for?" Aziraphale peered over the top of the resume.

The woman smiled again. A smile that seemed to have many layers. Genuine warmth towards Oscar, a graced politeness, and as if what she was about to say had some secret behind it.

"Ashtoreth. Ashtoreth Crowley."

"Oh, what an unusual name. Very beautiful though," Aziraphale had never thought himself good at flirting. He just liked to compliment and praise people and sometimes it affected some people more than others. He thought he saw Ashtoreth smile and dip her head for a moment and he got the feeling that she wasn't used to the compliment.

"Well, you are right, you are more than qualified," He pondered whether hiring her on the spot was a bit irresponsible, but he really needed some help as soon as possible. "It is too forward to ask you to start tomorrow? There would be no pressure of course, and if you would like the job but need a couple of days to-"

"Tomorrow is fine."

"Oh. Well then, you seem to be saving me quite a bit of trouble, thank you. Oscar, what do you think?" His boy had been watching Ashtoreth with a growing interest. "Do you think you can get along with Miss. Ashtoreth?"

Oscar nodded his head and finally released his lip from his bite.

"Your hair is really pwetty," He said, shyly.

"Why thank you, dear," She cooed. "Yours it quiet lovely as well."

"I wan' it longer, but Daddy keeps making me have haircuts," He lent forward in Aziraphale's grip and cupped his hands around his mouth as if it would stop Aziraphale from being able to hear him.

Aziraphale saw Ashtoreth's eyebrows narrow and tighten above her glasses. She moved in close to Oscar, putting her against the side of her mouth facing Aziraphale.

"I think you'd look lovely with long hair," She whispered and Oscar gasped. He turned in Aziraphale's grip.

"I wike her, can we keep her?" He attempted to whisper to his father.

Ashtoreth laughed something warm and the strict and stern vibe Aziraphale got off her melted away.

"Come around tomorrow for half past eight, I open the shop at nine. If you think you'll be late, you have my telephone number."

"Oh Mr. Princer, I've never been late for anything in my life."

"Well, then... I'm glad for it. And, it's Aziraphale, please. Unusual name as well I know, my parents were quiet into biblical names and couldn't have gone with something more common like John." He chuckled.

"Well who would want to be more common?" There was mirth in her voice, but also something deadly serious. Aziraphale caught himself staring with a loss for words again.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning then?"

"You will. I'll see you tomorrow, Oscar." She lent forwards again to place a gloved hand against his cheek. Aziraphale should be focusing on the fact that she was wearing gloves, leather ones by the look of it, and black of course.

Oscar waved cheerily and Aziraphale shut the door.

Tomorrow would be interesting, for sure.

\-----

For some reason, throughout his whole life, children were just drawn to Crowley. They just seemed to indiscriminately like him. Which was fine by him, because he liked children. He'd started babysitting to get extra pocket money when he was fourteen and he'd just kept doing it more and more and by the time he'd finished his A Levels he'd built up enough of a reputation that local parents would all but fling their children at him.

Or at her.

See that's the other thing he's known his whole life. One, that children like him. Two, that he wasn't always male. He hadn't heard the term genderfluid until he was in his mid-twenties. He'd tested out wearing stereotypical feminine clothes before then, but only in his own room. He didn't know one who didn't call themselves straight or cisgendered. Then the internet happened and grew bigger and bigger and suddenly there was so much information out there and he realised that it wasn't just him liking to sometimes wear skirts or makeup. It wasn't something that he'd thought about in fantasy, but never bothered with thinking of it ever happening in reality, because, unfortunately, shape-shifting isn't real.

And unfortunately he'd never met another genderfluid person (he's not sure Loki from the Marvel comics counts, but it's the only representation he's seen and who doesn't want their icon to be a genderfluid, pansexual god who's also sometimes a snake) so all this was just... sort of guess work. He just went with how what he felt was right, and it she wanted to look more masculine, or he wanted to look feminine that was just fine, he was learning for that to be just fine.

As he'd gotten older he'd gotten more confident in just being himself. He got his title changed to Mx but he didn't change his name... He wasn't sure what to change it to, or if he wanted anything legally binding. He didn't dislike Anthony when he was identifying as male, but he did not want to be called that when female. And his middle name wasn't any less masculine. That's when he started getting people to call him 'Crowley' instead. It made things a lot easier. He didn't dislike being called it, it worked as gender-neutral and androgynous, and he could easily pass it off as a nickname what with it being his surname and all.

But as time passed he really wanted a name that would be exclusive to when he was female. 'Crowley', he felt, worked well no matter the gender he was identifying as. But sometimes he just wanted something else, something he would only use when female, that would only have connotations of being female.

He's chosen the name 'Ashtoreth' after some long deliberations.

It was around this time that he started writing both his first and middle name as initials and changed his title to Mx, and spent a great deal of time figuring out what female name starting with the letter ‘a’ would work for him. Modern names like Amy of Ashley were completely out of the question, he’d thought about Antonia, but perhaps he wanted something that didn’t remind him of his birth name. Adrienne, Angeline, Annetta, Anastacia, they were all… so cute, too innocent sounding. Then one day while browsing the internet he spread his search to mythological and theological names and there was the name Astaroth, a Duke of Hell in Christianity, also spelt Ashtaroth, Astarot and Asteroth, and likely named after the goddess Ishtar, or Astarte and Astoreth, sometimes called Ashtoreth. A goddess associated with fertility, sexuality and war… Yes he'd done his research. If he's going to pick a name he may as well be thorough. It was the name of someone who'd been depicted as both male and female over time...

And it worked out great. He started writing his name as A. J. Crowley and he could just pick between Anthony and Ashtoreth if anyone asked him for his name.

Being genderfluid also worked out great if you worked as a nanny and the highest paying jobs seemed to almost always have a preference for a female nanny (which Crowley thought was frankly ridiculous but the jobs did pay rather well). Get a skirt and makeup on, say the A stands for Ashtoreth, if people question the Mx say you're divorced, job's done. Obviously it would be ideal for Crowley to not have to do any of this, for people to just be accepting, but Crowley didn't live in an ideal world.

So, all this was to say that Crowley was sometimes a man called Anthony and at other times was a woman called Ashtoreth.

And a man called Anthony found himself let go from his most recent job and was checking through the job listings in the local paper when he was an enquiry for a nanny from a Mr. Princer. Anthony thought the bookshop sounded familiar and he googled it to realise that yes, yes it did. He'd never been in it himself, but it was well known in the local area. The owner, Mr. Princer, was said to be something of an eccentric. Charming and polite and kind, but flipped into something cold and rude if customers didn't handle the books in the way he wanted to them, even if they'd just purchased the damn thing.

He really didn't get the fuss about books. The only time he picked them up was if he was reading to a child in his care, and even then most of the time they'd rather watch a film or read from the internet. There'd been this one eight year old girl who had asked him to read from a website entitled 'SCP Foundation'. That had been... entertaining.

Still, regardless of those rumours about Mr. Princer, there were also ones that he had quite fine tastes. Posh clothes, posh food, and Anthony bet some of those antique books were worth a fair bit. It all added up to a well-paying job.

True, it would be awkward that it seemed the Princer's apartment was right above the bookshop, so instead of being alone in a house with the child, the father would be right downstairs.

That would certainly make things interesting.

The bookshop wasn't too far of a walk, and he'd much rather get a read on this Mr. Princer in person rather than over the phone.

He debated about when to turn up and decided to see how annoyed Mr. Princer would be on a Sunday morning. That and seeing as the job required everyday other than Sundays, he assumed that the bookshop was therefore closed on Sundays and he'd be able to talk with Mr. Princer as much as necessary without interrupting his work... Not that he was trying to be considerate now, he just... Alright, perhaps he was.

He went over to one of his two wardrobes, the one full of dresses and skirts and corsets and lace and everything that helped him feel more feminine and comfortable in his skin at times. It was summer and so like every year Crowley felt a little pang of annoyance at ninety percent of his clothing being black, but this was the life and aesthetic he'd chosen, no amount of heat was going to convince him to give it up.

His eyes raked over the fabrics, following the movement of his hand as it brushed against the sea of blacks, greys and reds, carefully thinking over combinations in his head.

He had to make a good first impression after all.

\-----

"Ah, Miss Ashtoreth, you're early, do come it." Aziraphale opened the door

She stepped in and let her eyes scan around the room as she finally got a better look of the place.

"Yes, well," She clipped. "If you're early, you're on-time, if you're on-time-"

"You're late, quite right." Aziraphale looked away, seemingly a tad anxious at having interrupted. Perhaps the anxiousness being the reason he interrupted at all.

He seemed like someone with politeness, real politeness not just a forced act. The language he used suggested he was posher than the shop owner title lead one to assume, but he also didn't seem like someone with too much money; Ashtoreth noted at the higher shelves in layers of dust (no money for a cleaner, the man must do it himself) and the fraying edges of his waistcoat. Though, regardless if he had the money to replace it, he seemed like the sort of man to find one thing that suited him and he felt comfortable in, and keep it until the thing disintegrated.

"Oscar is just upstairs, and I'd appreciate it if he stayed up there," Aziraphale led her to the back of the shop and up a thin staircase. "Sometimes he likes to sneak down into the shop, but I can't really have him trying to talk to customers, as friendly as he is, or risk damaging any of the books."

"Have you thought about getting a baby gate to go across the bottom of the stairs?"

"I had one for a while, but he just started climbing over it, or trying to climb over the banister, and I don't want him hurting himself..."

"No, of course, I understand. I'll make sure to keep him upstairs."

"He's fine to come down when I'm closed for lunch, he often likes to eat his lunch in the shop while I read to him. And you'll be welcome to join us, of course. I'm..." He stopped in front of a bedroom door with a brightly painted sign that said 'Ollie' on it. "I'm very glad Oscar seems to like you. We've not had the best of luck with previous nannies and babysitters and I just, I hope you won't... Some of them get sort of... perturbed by some of his behaviour, all good behaviour I assure you! Just, sometimes he likes to play around and they don't like the roles he chooses for himself..."

"Oh?" Ashtoreth tried to prompt Aziraphale into being more specific. Oscar hadn't seemed like a handful, but kids can become more rambunctious the less shy they become as they get used to a new person. But 'roles he chooses for himself'... She didn't know what that was supposed to mean... Hopefully not anything offensive?

"He just... Sometimes he can't get out of the character's he's made up. He just tends to gravitate towards... Well not what you'd expect. Princesses, witches, mermaids and she-warriors."

Alright... That wasn't what she'd expected... but it was hardly bad.

"Is it so wrong for him to have female role models?"

"No! Of course not! He just... has a hard time coming back to reality... It just... It gets a little tiring, when he won't come back to being himself again and insisting on..." Aziraphale's shoulders slumped and he shook himself. "Well, I should be getting to open up the shop. I trust you to be able to handle him, and he's a good boy, really he is." And before Ashtoreth knew it, Aziraphale had rushed back down the stairs and out of view.

Strange.

But there was no use dwelling on it when she had a job to do.

She rapped her knuckles three times next to the yellow letters and heard shuffling inside the room stop abruptly. She eased the door open slowly.

"Oscar?" The little boy was sat on his bed, clutching two stuffed animals in his hands. "We met on Sunday, I'm your new Nanny."

"I wemember," He said, proudly. "I still fink your hair is pwetty."

"Well aren't you a charmer." She chuckled and walked over to him. "Is it alright if I sit?"

Oscar nodded and she straightened out the sheets, as much as she could with Oscar still sat on them, and perched on the bed.

Oscar's room was a pastel hue of blues and yellows. Blue walls and carpet, blue bed sheets and curtains. His toys and stationary varied in colour, but he noted how the older and worn, more newborn aged items, were all blue, tucked away in boxes and on high shelves, mostly kept out of sentimental value now Oscar was older and had moved onto new things. His current belongings ranged more in colour and Ashtoreth could see a box peeking out from under his bed, it caught her eye as something bright pink was poking out of it.

"What's this under here?" It was always good to show an interest in the child's toys and games.

Oscar leaned over the bed, and averted his eyes.

"S'nofing... Just some stuff..."

"Stuff?" Ashtoreth arched on eyebrow and Oscar squirmed under her gaze.

"Some stuff I use sometimes when I play dress-up, Daddy says they have to stay away and kept neat when I'm not using them."

"Well, he's right about keeping things neat, but shouldn't all your clothes be kept in the same place?"

"Daddy says they count as toys, not clothes."

"Why would he say that, dear?"

"Cos," Oscar hugged his stuffed animals against his chest. "He says they're for when I'm being someone else, my cwothes in my wardrobe are what other people see me in... I'm sworry, I didn't see it was sticking out."

He clambered off the bed and pushed the box out of sight. He seemed upset, distressed that Ashtoreth had seen the box at all. For 'other people to see him in'... Was Aziraphale ashamed of Oscar playing with 'girl clothes'? He wouldn't be the first man, but Ashtoreth was certainly not going to let this boy, or any child in her care, feel ashamed for wanting what adults seemed to consider 'girl toys'.

Oscar pulled himself back onto the bed and Ashtoreth thought about the older blue toys, and the hidden away pink fabric, and the sign on Oscar's door...

"Do you prefer Ollie or Oscar? Your Daddy calls you Oscar, but I see it says Ollie on your door?" She felt a little silly that it hadn't been the first thing she'd asked. Children often liked their nicknames.

"Uncle Gabe let me pick it. Daddy wanted it to say Oscar..."

"Well, what did you want it to say?"

"....Owie"

"And that's what you'd rather be called?"

Oscar squinted at her.

"No one ever asked what I would pwefer... They just pick for themselfs"

"Well, I'm asking"

Oscar's eyes widened, as if he hadn't thought she was serious the first time she'd asked.

"I'm Owie" he slid forward and held out a hand, a habit picked up from his father no doubt, and Ashtoreth shook it.

"It's a pleasure, Ollie," And Ashtoreth couldn't help but smile at the large grin on Ollie's face.

She studied him and took in a breath. May as well get everything out in the open straight away.

"Your Daddy says you like to role play? You like to dress up and play as different roles?"

"Mhm, I wike getting to act out fings... but..."

"Your other nannies haven't always liked it?"

"...Yeah... Sometimes they tell me I'm not allowed to play that anymore."

Ashtoreth felt her blood begin to boil.

"Well, I'm your Nanny now, dear. And you are going to open that box and we're going to have a nice look through and get you looking all pretty."

"Pwetty...?" Ollie eyes were wide as saucers.

"That's right, darling boy-" Ashtoreth reached to place a hand on Ollie's arm, but his face dropped.

"No... it's okay... we don't... I don't..."

"Ollie, what's wrong, dear?"

Ollie shook his head.

"Come now," Ashtoreth pulled him forward and he started to lean into her. "I promise I won't be mad, alright? Nanny promises she won't be mad, I just want to know what upset you."

Ollie was quiet for a long time, but Ashtoreth was patient. He struggled to keep his breathing steady and he kept clenching and unclenching his hands on her sleeve.

"I felt... weird... when you called me a boy..."

"Just when I did it?" Things where starting to click together in Ashtoreth's mind. "Or when everyone does it?"

Ollie curled in on him- themselves and moved closer to Ashtoreth, leaning in as if they were scared someone else would hear.

"When everyone does it...“ They murmured.

"Oh sweetheart," Ashtoreth brought her arms around them. "I won't call you a boy if you don't want me too. I won't call you anything that makes you sad or uncomfortable, okay."

She felt Ollie nod against her shoulder, they were clinging onto them even tighter now. She rubbed a hand up and down their shaking spine.

"What would you like to be called, Ollie?" She felt like she already knew the answer. "Would you like to be called a girl, Ollie?"

Ollie sobbed out a 'please' and it broke Ashtoreth's heart.

"But am not a girl..." Ollie mumbled into Ashtoreth's shoulder and she pushed them back so she could look them in the eye.

"Nonsense, dear. Do you want to be a girl? Do you feel that you are a girl? That being a girl suits you so much better than being a boy?"

Ollie nodded.

"That's all it takes for you to be a girl, my sweet. All you have to do is feel that you are a girl. To know that you are a girl, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks."

Ollie was looking up at Ashtoreth like she was something to be worshipped and she didn't deserve this. How long had this poor, sweet child been dealing with this all on their own. Their only attempts to bring it up shut down by other nannies and Aziraphale.

She would need to have a word with him... Slowly though... Ollie deserved to have this dealt with straight away, but Ashtoreth was all too well aware that if she got fired for sticking her nose in too quickly the next nanny was not going to support Ollie the way she could.

“Does Daddy know you’re a girl, Ollie?” Ashtoreth asked her.

“I fink… I fink he forgets… Sometimes I’m allowed to be a pwincess, though..."

"When you play dress-up?"

Ollie nodded while Ashtoreth tried her eyes with a tissue.

"Would you like to play dress-up with me, Ollie?"

Ollie blinked away the reminder of her tears.

"Because I would very much like to be a handmaiden, but I seem to be lacking a princess to serve... I'm quite sad about it... How lonely I am without a princess to take care of..." She looked away from Ollie, placing a forlorn expression on her face.

"Don't be lonely, Nanny! I can be your pwincess!"

"Well, my dear princess, I barely recognised you. We should get you properly dressed don't you think?"

Ollie's smile was blinding.

\---

Ashtoreth didn't get a chance to talk to Aziraphale about it that day. She didn't want to talk to him about it during his lunch break as Ollie was always around, and when the end of the day came he quickly ushered her outside.

It was about a week later until she could get a word in.

He seemed to be trusting her more and more and Ollie had gotten a little sick and she'd spent the day taking care of him. Aziraphale smiled at her fondly and asked if she'd like a glass of wine and to put her feet up for a moment, as a sort of thank you. He'd lit up when she said yes and he looked... so genuinely pleased. She didn't think she'd ever seen someone with such a sweet smile...

They were both halfway through a glass each before Ashtoreth raised the subject.

"Ollie really does love playing dress-up and role-playing, don't they?" She peered at him over the rim of her glass, forcing herself not to refer to Ollie as 'she'.

"Oh," Aziraphale drew in a deep breath. "Look he-"

Ashtoreth held up a hand.

"Before you say anything, I'm not complaining. I think they're really quite charming, and them playing around, playing as female characters, I have no problems with it whatsoever."

"None? None at all, really?"

"Truly."

"Well," He let out a deep breath. "I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear it. No one else has liked Oscar playing around like that."

"Have you... Have you ever thought it might be more than just play?"

Aziraphale looked stunned for a moment, and then narrowed his eyes.

"I don't know what you're getting at-"

"Yes, you do. And there's nothing wrong with that, you know. If they're starting to learn things about themselves-"

Aziraphale stood up, abruptly.

"Look here, you aren't the first one to insinuate that Oscar might be trying to say he's identifying as a girl, but he is four years old. He's a child. Children act, they play pretend. I'm not going to start pushing harmful ideas-

"Harmful?!" Ashtoreth's voice raised the tiniest bit as she tried to stay in control.

"I didn't mean..." He looked flustered. "I'm not against that sort of thing you know, transgendered people, that's not... I'm not... He's just so young. If I start letting him act this out now... what if it's just a phase?"

"What if it is? Would that be so bad? Letting them explore themselves?"

"...Them?" Ah, he'd finally cottoned on. "You're not already indulging him in this are you?"

Ashtoreth didn't know how to answer. Well she did, she wanted to tell him, yes, of course I am, because she deserves to not cry inside every time you call her by her name, but if she lost this job now there was no hope for Ollie.

She stared down Aziraphale through her glasses.

"Look," Aziraphale broke cover first, his voice sounding less confident. "I don't want you to do anything about this, to indulge him in this, without my permission, which so far and for the foreseeable future, you don't have."

"Well... That's duly noted. I think I'd better head off."

"Yes, probably for the best."

"I'll see you on Monday," She didn't pose it as a question but something remnant of a question mark hung in the air.

"Yes. Monday..."

Ashtoreth nodded and gathered her bag and coat before leaving the bookshop. She could feel her hands shaking and she really didn't want to get into an argument with Aziraphale.

Fighting with him wasn't going to solve anything. And it certainly wouldn't help Ollie.

\---

The days continued on like that for a while. Ashtoreth would keep calling Ollie a girl when they were together and kept using ‘they’ pronouns while Aziraphale was there because she was not fucking going to give this sweetheart dysphoria. That was far more important than whether Aziraphale liked her. Every so often Aziraphale would catch them playing and Ashtoreth would coo about 'What a pretty princess you are' and 'Don't you agree, Aziraphale?' and he couldn't say no in front of Ollie.

"I do think he's pretty you know," He'd said to her at the end of one day. "There's nothing wrong with him being feminine."

"But there is with him being female?" She retorted, already halfway out of the door.

He flushed and looked away, like a child being reprimanded for sneaking sweets, knowing that he wasn't in the right but not wanting to admit it. She hoped this pride and whatever ideas he was raised on would seep out of him.

"He... They like you, Oscar... He- they haven't had that before, it matters, you being here matters. They've been so much happier since you joined us, and I... I don't want my silly sensibilities to make you want to leave-" He swallowed the rest of his sentence and stared down at the floor.

Ashtoreth looked him more closely. Hands ringing themselves and twirling bands of gold around his fingers. There were dark circles under his eyes.

She reached out a hand, hesitating for a moment, before resting it against his wrist. Cold leather trying to seep in the warmth from his hand.

"I'm not planning on going anywhere. If I can cope with the worst tantrums from children, I think I can cope with a fusty bookshop owner," She smiled and Aziraphale chuckled. "All I'm doing is hoping you'll remain opened minded to them."

"I am trying. I'm not... I want him to be happy you know, he- they deserve to be happy. I love them, more than anything, and I hate sitting up in bed at night because I worry that they think I don't support them. I've never... I've not told them they can't be feminine..."

"But you also haven't told him it's okay to be a girl."

"No... I haven't... I still don't know... I've researched about it, you know, and a lot of people say it's just the child seeking attention, or they're getting to deep into a fantasy, and I don't want to encourage either of those things. I just want to make sure I'm not encouraging anything I shouldn't be."

"And what about discouraging her?"

Aziraphale seemed to flinch a little at the female pronoun. But he didn't comment on it.

"No one said parenting would be easy, I suppose," He mused.

Ashtoreth smiled, something small and sad.

"Hardest job in the world," She replied.

"You seem to handle it. I dare say you're a natural at it," Aziraphale smiled and looked up at her, towering slightly in her heels, and they were stood very close and she felt something hot on her cheeks.

"I've had a lot of practice. Some people are just suited better to certain jobs, some people take to things for naturally than others. I don't think you're a bad father, Aziraphale. I think you just need a little help, but that's what I'm here for. My job isn't just to help the child, it's to help you as well."

"Well that, you certainly have done. I think... I think I shall make more of an effort to spend all my lunchtimes with Oscar, and, if you'd like of course, if at lunchtime the three of us sit down and one of us can read to them... If my company would be acceptable, of course."

"More than," She breathed out.

They stared at each other for a moment, eyes unmoving, until Aziraphale swayed and Ashtoreth realised her hand was still on his wrist and she pulled back, forcing her hand to run through her hair to keep it tethered away from Aziraphale.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning, then. Have a good evening, Miss Ashtoreth."

"Just Ashtoreth is more than fine."

"Ashtoreth, then," Another smile. Infectious.

He moved around her to hold open the door for her. She walked to her car and realised there was a pair of footsteps at her side. He'd never walked her to her car before. Before she could grasp the door handle, there was a soft hand in front of her, opening the door for her. She wasn't often lost for words.

She turned to stare at Aziraphale, aware of how unladylike it was for her mouth to be parted open, frozen.

"Thank you," She managed to get out, before ducking down and sliding into the car, placing her bag on the passenger seat.

She placed a hand on the door, fingers grazing over where his where resting. She had to take some control back in this situation.

"And if we're talking names, it wouldn't hurt to call them Ollie instead of Oscar."

"Yes..." Aziraphale's voice was quiet and his eyes kept switching between meeting her gaze and looking at their hands. "I'll try."

"I'd ask for nothing more," She gave a light tug to the door, asking Aziraphale to step backwards, before closing herself into the car. Aziraphale stayed stood on the pavement while she drove off.

She half expected him to wave.

\---

Aziraphale watched as Ollie ran and leapt up at Ashtoreth as she entered the bookshop. He'd been making the effort to keep calling Oscar 'Ollie', in his head as well as out loud. Calling them 'she'... that was going to take a little him. He was fine with 'they' for now, and if Ollie truly wanted to be a girl... well that would be a conversation he supposed they'd eventually have to have, one which he desperately hoped Ashtoreth would be there for. God he really hoped Ashtoreth would be there if or when that happened. He wasn't sure what he'd done to deserve her. Beyond her being an amazing nanny, she was a great role model for Ollie and, if he was being frank, was becoming a dear friend to him. It was almost like the three of them were forming their own little family.

He didn't talk about his family much. There wasn't much to talk about. He wasn't particularly close with his parents, and he saw his cousins from time to time. He and Ollie's mother had never been married, the pregnancy wasn't even planned, but it had happened and they both decided to keep the child, Ollie's mother had been content to have a child... Until about a month after giving birth. She was meant to be staying in her flat, looking after Ollie, when his cousin Gabriel turned up at his door, dripping wet with the little baby cradled in his dwarfing arms. She'd just gotten up, packed up her things, not had the bloody confidence to come and hand her child off to their father and instead driven to his cousin’s house to drop of Ollie and they're things and then hopped back in her car and just kept driving. She'd changed her phone number, email, everything. He assumed she'd gone to Scotland, he knew she had family there, but they'd not been together long enough for him to have ever met them.

Since then it had just been him and Ollie, and the array of nannies and babysitters who filtered through their lives. He supposed he should be thankful for Gabriel, as much as they're never seen eye to eye, Ollie adored him. Gabriel myriad of siblings and half-siblings, Aziraphale hadn't seen in quite a while. He wasn't sure what they were up to other than being 'successful' and stuck-up. His mother would sometimes ask why he couldn't get a nice proper job, a higher paying job, like one of his cousins.

His mind didn't often tick over to thinking about this cousins, but he supposed seeing the silver pull up across the street reminded him of the one Gabriel had thought about buying and oh dear god.

Aziraphale put down the books in his hands and rushed over to hold the door open. Sure he could say it was courteousness, but it wasn't. Gabriel had the annoying habit of flinging doors open, often almost unbeknownst to his own strength, causing doors to bang against the wall and vibrate through the room and often resulting in items falling of shelves.

"Aziraphale!" He grinned and clasped his large hands firmly against Aziraphale's upper arms.

"Gabriel, ah, do come in," Aziraphale tried not to stutter. Why did he feel like he needed some approval from Gabriel and end up with nervousness swirling around in his gut? "What, um, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Well we were in the area and I couldn't drive by without stopping to see my favourite kiddo!" Gabriel's voice raised in pitch as he neared the end of his sentence, purposely trying to lure out Ollie.

"We?"

"Yes, Michael's here too," Gabriel waved his hand behind him, not breaking eye-contact with Aziraphale.

"Michael?" Aziraphale didn't know a Michael. Or... Well Gabriel had texted him about him a few times, but they'd never met, didn't even know what he looked like.

"Hello, Aziraphale."

"J-"

"Michael," Gabriel put a heavy stress on the word. "I convinced him to get out of the car and come in with me."

Aziraphale looked between the two of them. Gabriel and... Michael? What was going on? That was Gabriel's sister... and he? Was... What?

"I thought you told him," Michael hissed at Gabriel.

"I told him, 'by the way 'insert dead-name here' is going by Michael now'."

"What, just tagged onto the end of a conversation? Gabriel, he probably thought you were joking."

"Michael?" Aziraphale said tentatively.

"Yes, Michael." She- He said.

"Okay." Is what Aziraphale's mouth decided to respond with? There were too many revelations spinning through his head. Was Michael now... trans? I mean, Michael is a male name and they'd both said he and when did this happen? He hazily remembered a text similar to that from Gabriel... that must have been over six months ago. Was he really this out of the loop?

"Now I'm getting awfully lonely down here!" Gabriel yelled out.

Aziraphale heard the distance tumbling and footsteps and looked up to see Oscar running down the stairs.

"Slowly, dear, be careful," Ashtoreth's voice chimed after him.

"Uncle Gabe! Uncle Gabe!" Ollie all but flung themselves off the bottom step and Gabriel hoisted Oscar up with such ease and spun him around before Oscar climbed and clambered and seated himself on Gabriel's shoulders.

"And what have you been up to today, champ?" Gabriel grinned and peered up as if he could possible see Oscar's face.

"Me an' Nanny were playing with my stuffies!"

"Well I hope they've all been behaving themselves," He reached up and danced his fingers up the Oscar's sides until they reached his armpits and Oscar yelped and giggled, almost losing his balance. Aziraphale always got a little worried when Gabriel carried and tossed Oscar around, but he'd never dropped him and his grip was always firm.

"And so you," Gabriel turned to face Ashtoreth. "Must be the new Nanny?"

\---

Ashtoreth had been stood at the top of the stairs, watching as this man threw Oscar. She'd heard the two times he'd yelled, and he seemed... nice, but perhaps patronising. She noted the confused and almost sad expression on Aziraphale's face. How the other person, stood a fair distance behind this 'Uncle Gabe', kept darting their annoyed expression between Aziraphale and the back of Gabe's head.

By the time Gabe focused his attention on her she'd descended the staircase.

"And so you must be the new Nanny?"

"Well, new in the sense I'm the most recent. I've been here just over a month now. Ashtoreth Crowley," She stuck her hand out, and he let go of one of Ollie's knees and grasped her hand in a firm handshake, squeezing down slightly on her hand.

"Funny name. Though, I suppose our family can't really talk, can they Aziraphale," He nudged Aziraphale's arm with his shoulder. "I'm Gabriel, Archer," He added his surname on like an afterthought. "Cousins through our mothers, Aziraphale and I. Michael here's stuck with me as a brother."

"A petulant younger brother," Michael said, but Ashtoreth could see there was fondness in their eyes.

"You're American?" Odd, Gabriel's accent was so different from their sibling's.

"Ah, no. Born in England, just went over to America for school and then stayed there for a while. After a few years you pick up the accent," He grinned as if he was charming. He wasn't.

"You've had experience as a Nanny before?" Michael peered at her. Ashtoreth got the feeling she was getting another interview. Aziraphale looked like he wanted to say something.

"Plenty. I hope Aziraphale feels like he's had a good choice," She caught Aziraphale smiling at her and fought from looking at him.

Gabriel placed Ollie back on the ground and launched an attack of tickles on her. While Ashtoreth didn't get a great impression from the man, her heart clenched at how happy she looked with Gabriel.

"Are you sure about her?" Michael murmured to Aziraphale, assuming Ashtoreth couldn't hear them over the sound of Ollie's screams of laughter.

"Very," Aziraphale clipped back. "What's all this business anyway? _Michael?_ Weren't you the one telling me to squash down Oscar's insistence on being a girl?"

"He's still a child Aziraphale. What does he know?" They took in a deep breath like a teacher about to reprimand a student. "This is all very new to me, okay? I didn't think it was worth talking about. I'm not claiming to know anything about children. You know what our family is like. They don't know... my _changes_ so don't you dare tell them. So there I suppose you have to decide, because I'll tell you if you want to indulge your son in this, you won't be getting any support from your parents anymore. He won't be getting visits from his grandparents, and definitely don't go showing him off around back home if he decides to be a girl."

"Must you be so pessimistic?"

"It's not pessimism, Aziraphale, it's realism. I'm fine with not telling our family about myself, but there is no way Oscar can keep it a secret. You better be prepared to have a shift in your life and the people in it if you think he's serious about this."

"I don't see why things have to change. Oscar can learn to be happy like this, or our family can learn to be happy about it. People are meant to support each other."

"_Meant _to_."_

"But-" Aziraphale seemed to notice that any other noise in the room had stopped a while ago. Oscar was clinging to Gabriel's trousers as if she could hide in them like giant curtains. "Oscar..."

"You said you'd call me Ollie now," Her voice was muffled by the fabric. "You don't like other people to know about me..."

Aziraphale was frozen. Everyone in the room was staring at him.

"Your Dad's never been one for nicknames, Ollie," Gabriel said, trying to be helpful and failing.

"It's not a nickname!" Ollie shrieked and Ashtoreth was on her knees bundling Ollie into her arms.

"I think, uh... We really should be leaving, only stopped in to say hello," Gabriel walked backwards through the room, bumping into tables of books.

"Yes. Goodbye Aziraphale," Michael said and then they were both gone. Cowards. It was for the best though.

"Oscar, Ollie, did you really need to scream in front of them?" Aziraphale asked.

"I don't care!" Ollie yelled into Ashtoreth's chest.

"Oscar you need to be a little more mature-"

"She's a child," Ashtoreth interrupted. Things had been going better and now this? Did Aziraphale want his family to agree with him so much? He was sweet yes, but naive.

"_She?_" Aziraphale sucked in a breath. "They, _he_ needs to decide what it is he wants. I can't... I can't do this Oscar, do you understand? It isn't easy for me."

"And it's easy for her?"

"Please don't fight..." Ollie drew her head up.

"I'm sorry, dear," Ashtoreth felt guilty as having this discussion with Aziraphale in front of her. "Perhaps you should go up to your room."

"So Daddy can say Imma boy cause I won't be here to hear it..." She turned to face Aziraphale. "I know that's what you do! I know it! I heard you! You tell me not to talk 'bout people who not here, but you do! You do it wiv me! You... Meanie!" Ollie tore herself out of Ashtoreth's arms and approached Aziraphale. "I hate you!"

"Oscar, that's enough!" Aziraphale raised his voice. Ashtoreth had never heard him raise his voice and judging by the way Ollie's eyes widened it wasn't a usual occurrence. "You can't keep playing pretend, you have to stop and go back to being you."

Ollie curled in on herself more and more and Ashtoreth wanted to reach out to hold her, but Aziraphale was glaring at Ashtoreth as if all of this was her fault.

"Am me..." She mumbled.

"Oscar," Aziraphale sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Ollie! My name is Ollie!" She screamed and unfurled herself, limbs flying out wildly. "My name is Ollie and I wanna wear dwesses and have long hair and have my stuffies and I'm a girl and I wan'... I wan... I just want Daddy to love me!"

Ashtoreth felt her heart break and she looked over at Aziraphale and she realised what she was feeling was nothing compared to him. One look at his face told her he cared for Ollie more than anything in the world and none of his talk was out of anything more than misunderstanding and confusion and ignorance... there was nothing malicious there at all.

Ollie had gone from quietly sobbing to bawling louder and louder.

"Oscar... Ollie, you know that Daddy loves you," Aziraphale sounded like he was pleading.

"Daddy only loves me if Imma boy, and am not a boy... so Daddy don't and won't ever love me..." Ollie hiccupped through her tears.

Aziraphale reached out his hands but Ollie turned away and faced towards Ashtoreth and Ashtoreth really didn't want to come between them but Ollie was shaking so violently and she looked over at Aziraphale, his outstretched hands curled into fists and folding back in on themselves and he looked at her with such hopelessness, then looked away and nodded.

In a second she was pulling Ollie into her lap and Ollie was clutching onto her shirt and Ashtoreth was planting kisses along her hairline.

"I promise Daddy loves you dear, he just needs a little time to learn that's all. I promise you're safe and loved, sweetheart." She watched as Aziraphale left the room. “Can I show you something secret?” Ashtoreth raised from her knees and fetched her wallet from her bag. Ollie looked up at it through their tears, staring at the wallet as if it might unfold out into something magical.

Ashtoreth unzipped it and pulled out her driver’s license. Ollie’s gaze flickered between the Ashtoreth and the card, before she shuffled forwards to get a closer look.

“This is… you?” Ollie said with wonder.

“It is. You see, dear, not all of us are born as we want to be. It says Anthony Crowley, though I changed my title from Mr to Mx, and under gender it says male. Do you think that makes me any less of a woman?”

“Noooo!” Ollie cried. “You’re the pwettiest girl I’ve ever met!”

They said it with such certainty and Ashtoreth felt something clench tightly in her chest and something akin to a sob bubbling up. She reached out and scooped Ollie up into her arms, gently squeezing their waist and running a hand through her hair.

“Impossible, dear. You’ve met yourself haven’t you?”

Ollie stopped wiggling in her grasp and pulled her face out of where it was buried. Her nose scrunched up as she squinted before she understand what Ashtoreth had said and broke into a teary smile.

“‘M not pwettier than you, Nanny,” Ollie’s voice lost in where it had burrowed back into Ashtoreth’s hair.

“I think you are, Ollie. I think you’re the prettiest girl in the whole world.” She replied as she started rocking Ollie back and forth in her arms, holding her until the sobs subsided.

"Stay..." Ollie whispered. "Stay wiv me, please. Don't wanna go to bed on my own."

"Oh darling, that isn't up to me," Ollie started to cry again. "But, how about I take you up to your room and get you settled in, and I can go and ask your Daddy if that would be okay?"

"What if he says no?"

It was a very likely possibility. Ashtoreth had never done this before, she'd never stayed the night with one of the children... but she'd also never gotten as close to any of them as she had with Ollie, not that she hadn't cared about the others... there was just something here, something different.

She laid Ollie down in her bed, piled her arms full of stuffed toys, and kissed her forehead before taking a deep breath and going to find Aziraphale.

She found him sat on a settee downstairs, he was hunched over with his head in his hands. She'd never seen him lose his posture and be hunched over. He didn't move as she walked over to him, but she knew he would hear the clicking of her heels against the wooden floor. She hovered in front of him.

From what Michael had said, it was clear there was pressure to be cut-off from some of his family if they knew Ollie was trans. She knew the feeling all too well. Trans was something some people could get their heads around... being genderfluid... that was a whole other story people did not want to sit around to listen too.

"Don't worry, I'm not firing you," He finally said.

"You think that's what I'm worried about?" She sat next to him and placed a hand on his arm. "My paramount concern is that little girl in there, making sure she is expected, making sure she knows, just as I know, that her father loves her more than anything in the world. And making sure that said father knows that children can be cruel, but she doesn't mean it. Of course she doesn't hate you. She's just scared. Scared that she can't be herself."

"You believe that I love him?"

"I _know _that you love her."

Aziraphale lifted his head out of his hands. The wetness in his eyes made them shine even brighter blue.

"I don't see why things can't stay the same. There was nothing wrong with how we were before-"

"There was to Ollie. She's been miserable and so very confused and she just needs her father to tell her everything will be okay and that you love her no matter what."

"I do."

"I know."

He turned towards her, his body now stiff. His other hand came to rest upon where hers laid on his arm. His hands were shaking.

"How do you do it? Be so understanding? With everyone, but especially with me... I don't know that I deserve-"

"Deserve?" She hadn't meant to interrupt. The idea was just so ludicrous. As if he was the undeserving one. As if he'd been nothing but kind to her and made her feel so at home with he and Ollie. As if he hadn't treat her like a lady. "Aziraphale... darling, you are far from undeserving. Especially undeserving of me that's..." Aziraphale's hand was on her face.

_Aziraphale's hand was on her face._

"What a group we are, my dear. All of us crying like this."

Crying? Oh god. She was crying in front of him. She was... And with all these emotions swirling around and the heat of Aziraphale's palm she his smile and his eyes she was suddenly very aware of her body and her clothes and _he_ wanted to run straight to the Bentley.

"Ashtoreth, are you alright? I haven't offended you have I..." Aziraphale started to pull his hands away and Crowley made an embarrassing noise as he, without thinking, grabbed the hand and pushed it back against his cheek. His thumb was resting on his cheek, spilling over Aziraphale's fingers, and wetness trailed against it's pad.

"Hush, it's alright, my dear," Aziraphale's arms were around him now and this was all too much and he didn't deserve-

"Stop."

Aziraphale pulled back quickly and Crowley felt so cold.

"This isn't..." His tongue felt thick. "This isn't about me, it's about Ollie. You need to be able to call her 'she' and a girl and let her be a girl, Aziraphale. It's important. The most important thing in her life." He couldn't keep up the lilt and pitch in his voice "Please, for her, please..."

Aziraphale was silent. God, had he noticed that Crowley's voice and mannerisms were already starting to slip? But then he was walking and tugging at Crowley's hand and he followed behind as Aziraphale lead them into Ollie's bedroom.

"Ollie?" Aziraphale's voice was quiet.

No response.

"I know you aren't asleep, my sweet girl." Ollie confirmed she was indeed not asleep as she gasped.

Aziraphale came and sat on her bed, still pulling Crowley with him, who took his place seated beside Aziraphale, further away from Ollie.

"Ollie, Daddy's sorry, I'm so sorry, sweetheart... I didn't... I was selfish and I didn't think about how you felt and I was... I was scared."

"Scawed?" She peaked her head up from the blankets.

"Yes. I can get scared too. I was scared I'd be losing my little boy... Which is a terrible way to look at it, because you're right here aren't you, and you always will be... Unless I keep being a stubborn fool and keep pushing you away. Because I'm not losing a son, am I Ollie, I'm gaining a daughter. A beautiful, sensitive, curious little girl who I love so much Ollie, I love you more than the Earth, and I am so sorry that I've been such a rotten father.

"I don't deserve you to give me another chance but I promise, I promise, things will be different. I promise you don't have to be a boy anymore Ollie."

"Really?" Ollie sat up, hair flopping into her face.

"Really."

Ollie was beaming, the tears already forgotten, how quickly children could forget and forgive, and jumped into Aziraphale's lap.

"You're not getting rid of Nanny, are you?"

"No, of course not. She's been completely right to support you."

"Good. It's nice having someone else wike me."

"Like... you...?" Aziraphale turned his head. Crowley watched his expression shift and dammit he was not an idiot when he didn't want to be one.

So many different thoughts and answers and explanations ran through his brain and then his mouth was moving without thinking because it suddenly mattered so much to be truthful and test him and that being accepted by Aziraphale was the most important thing int he world. "I'm genderfluid."

Aziraphale's eyebrows raised and then furrowed. He probably had never heard the word before.

"I'm... I'm.... My body is..." His eyes darted all around the room. "My name, legal name, is Anthony Crowley. But sometimes I'm Ashtoreth. And sometimes I'm not... Like right now..." He trailed off, muttering the last part.

"Like right now?"

Crowley nodded.

"You're... Why would you still be female right now then if you're... identifying? Identifying as male."

Crowley arched a brow.

"Ah, yes, because of myself, I see... I really haven't been my best self lately have I, my dear boy," Ollie whined in his arms. "Ollie, dear, that wasn't aimed at you. I know you're not a boy."

It... wasn't aimed at Ollie...?

"Oh, my dear, you're crying again."

"What, no!" Ollie yelled and climbed off Aziraphale's lap, hands reaching out for Crowley and pulling him until he gave in and shuffled closed and then Ollie threw an arm around Crowley's neck and another around Aziraphale's. "Nobody's allowed to cry anymore!" She declared.

They stayed like that for a while. All of their sobs subsiding. Aziraphale's hand met Crowley's along Ollie's back.

"Oh!" They both jumped as Ollie yelled. "Daddy! Nanny said I had to ask you, can Nanny stay tonight?"

"I don't see why not... And perhaps..." Aziraphale coughed and blushed and he couldn't possibly be... "Perhaps you'd like to stay the night more often?" Crowley stared. "Oh goodness, that was terribly forward, and I didn't mean, or well I did mean but uh... Would you... Would you give me the opportunity to take you out for dinner? By which I suppose I mean, would you allow me to order us dinner in while Ollie behaves herself. Perhaps you could give me the chance to meet Anthony properly? Ashtoreth is already so lovely, I can't imagine any part of you not being so."

Fucking... _what?_ How could he switch from being shy and blushing and then saying things like that with no shame in his voice? _What the fuck was he trying to do to him?_

"I... That would be..."

"Yes?"

"Yes."

"Yes!" Ollie punched both their little fists into the air. "Say 'it’s a date' Daddy." She whispered all too loudly. Aziraphale laughed as Crowley's face turned shades redder than his lipstick.

"Would you like that, my dear?" Aziraphale turned and smiled a slow smile and there was something twinkling in his eyes and Crowley realised at that moment that Aziraphale knew what he was doing and there was some bastard lurking beneath the fusty bookshop owner's exterior.

Crowley made for to take back control of his breathing. _He _was not going to be the flustered one here! He'd give Aziraphale a taste of his own medicine, he could flirt back, he'd flirt back harder that would show him.

Crowley's voice was not trembling as he spoke.

"It's a date."

**Author's Note:**

> this is part of a good omens big bang, [please go check out everyone elses' amazing work](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/GoodOmensMiniBang2019/works)
> 
> Woo three months later and here we all, it's all done. Thank you so much to Ally for letting me help you run this bang, alongside Mio and Karp. 
> 
> This fic is somewhat personal to me as I'm genderfluid and I definitely used Crowley in this as a channel for my own feelings, but he's a great genderfluid icon to have. He and Loki, what beautiful genderfluid snakes.
> 
> Huge thank you the beautiful, talented artist Kai! You've been a dream to work with. Please check them out and give them some love: [their twitter](https://twitter.com/_vaxxu068) [their instagram](https://instagram.com/_vaxxu068)
> 
> Maybe i'll write something else for this AU, who knows. I originally had another scene with Michael and Gabriel in, but it didn't make the final cut. I feel like their presence in the fic would have made more sense in the fic if they'd come back, but who knows.
> 
> I'm just so happy this fic is done! I know you've seen less of me on here, and that's because I've been writing a lot of stuff over on my NSFW pseud that I made on here, to keep all my E rated fics in a separate place, so if you want to see what I've been up to (and you're over 18) you can hop over to crowdedmasks.


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